Paint The Black

Baseball and Beyond

Sweep Dreams Big Juicy

with 5 comments

boston-globe

October 11, 2016..TitleTown MA..

All Red Sox Nation schools, banks, small  and large bridges will  be closed today after Hurricane Tito ripped a gaping  hole through the heart of  TitleTown MA.

After Travis Shaw lifted his innocuous F/9 with the tying run on 2nd and the winning run on 1st, the only sound you heard, after our favorite Fenway Park pin drop concerto, was a 24 ounce Estwing hammering home the final nail  in a brutal 4-3 loss at the hands of Tito’s decimated Cleveland Tribe

This had to be Francona’s most gratifying win since his 2004 curse breaking World Series  party.

Unfortunately in an effort to achieve the next  greatest moment in his career, Tito had to lay the pain on three of his best  friends…

1). Monsignor John Farrell, who pretty much managed his way out the door in Boston.

2). The Mighty Midget Pedroia, who  despite all his audacious exploits, looks to be starting that downhill slide every athlete wants to  avoid, but can’t, and won’t..

And last but certainly not least, the Legendary Boston  Santero God, Grand Papi Ortiz, affectionately known by NY Yankees fans who support Red Sox baseball as Big Juicy…

Yes the Big Juice has played his last game, and will soon be arm and arm  with Commissioner  Rob Manfred, and Fat Pedro El Pollo Martinez, as Ambassadors to  the Game, while simultaneously working as cheerleader’s / recruiters for the Red Sox Brand..

All  this charity work for  the Red Sox will of course be subsidized on MLB’s dime..

So what  went wrong?

After finishing 2015 in the cellar of the American League East for the third time in the last four seasons, the Boston Red Sox had nowhere to go but up in 2016. Their expectations for 2016 were much higher than just adding a few ticks to their 78-84 2015 record, which was better than just four other AL teams.

Dave Dombrowski  joined the Red Sox in August 2015 as president of baseball operations, and he did exactly what he was supposed to  do, Spend Money to Win…With  a core in place built by Theo Epstein  and Ben Cherington, all Buyer Dave had to  do  was find a

Brand name pitcher to  ease the loss of Jon Lester, ( cost: $217M 7 yr’s)

Build a bull pen, (cost: 2 top  prospects and 2 yr’s $26M) plus trade a 200 innings eater for a set up guy who was injured all season Carson Smith… 

Find a 4th OFer ( Young 2 yr’s $12M) 

And be ready to  fix any problem  that  occurs in season, which he did, while armed with  a pearl handled  check book..

Very old time NY Yankees like, a reminder just in case Larry Lucchino suddenly has a bout with early dementia…

The Red Sox were an offensive juggernaut during the regular season, up until  they met the NYY, who  rudely ended their magical  11 game September winning streak when Teixeira smacked a walk off Salami off Joe Kelly who  was trying to  clean up  a mess made by Kimbrel, Buyer Dave’s $13M a yr closer

Boston lost 7 of their last 8 regular season games, and all  3 Post Season games, so  they  went on a 1 and 9 crash landing that unexpectedly ended their 2016 season with a Thud, not the Bang their beloved  Nation  wanted for Big Juicy’s last hurrah..

Congratulations to  the Cleveland Indians and to Tito Francona who  was run out of Boston after guiding the Red Sox to their first  title in 87 yr’s, thanks to  a bout with pills, thrills and spills..

It wasn’t a pleasant night for a lot of elite players..

Bumgarner only made it through  5 innings, but the Giants gutted out a 13 inning win to keep  their season alive

The Genius Joe Maddon pulled a Cyborg Joe and allowed 2 men to get on base before he called on Chapman to get 6 outs.. A triple and a single later and Chappy had turned a 3-2 lead into  a 5-3 deficit…

If you’re gonna give him 6 Joey let him start  the  parade, is Tito  the only manager with Balls?

Kenley Jansen for the LA  Dahjizz only pitched 0.1 of an inning, 2 hits, a BB’s, 4 runs, and a HR

And of course it was Buyer Dave’s mid season acquisition, All Star  Drew Pomeranz who cost Boston their top pitching prospect, that gave up  a 2 run Big Fly to 55 yr old Coco Crisp that  eventually won the game that ended Boston’s season

the Whole 9

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Written by Sal

October 11, 2016 at 9:10 am

Posted in Uncategorized

5 Responses

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  1. All of a sudden Tito Francona is my new favorite Manager!!! Lmao
    Good night Twitchy Midget and Big Juicy Ha Ha Ha !
    Going out a Loser, Poopi ??

    bubbaband

    October 11, 2016 at 1:05 pm

  2. Home now, Sal,
    Big Love from The Delta to you

    bubbaband

    October 11, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    • saw a video of T-Ray playing, the cat is good….real good..and a lefty to boot…How’s is road demeanor I have a gig for him lol….

      Sal

      October 12, 2016 at 5:17 am


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